Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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