Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
