He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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