Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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