Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think a kid would responsible me up
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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