Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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