If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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