youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
two words...techno handjob
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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