And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize