I can tuck mytits in my pants
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
