4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
