Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
