So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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