you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
