god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
