the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
