Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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