Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
