it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize