at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
