i was born a porn star she said
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
