just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
