Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
one might say we're banned from that church
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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