The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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