I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
