Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
