At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
