So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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