I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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