I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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