According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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