My underwear smells like fireworks.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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