Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
