How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
