I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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