well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
