we have pet lesbian snakes
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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