Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
