What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
