Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
