I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
