Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
