you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
