Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
