My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
