She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
