Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
