I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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