you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
