I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize