Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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