remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
