I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
