The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
