Everything about him screamed your future.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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