I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
