You can't motorboat a personality
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
