sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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