She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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