i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
