mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
