i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
