My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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