we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
