Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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