All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
