mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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