I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize