My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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