You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
