those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
