I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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